ME: Alright, we’re sitting down with Mario Williams, who is coming off his best game as a professional with 3.5 sacks. Mario, thanks for the interview.

MARIO: HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!?!?!?!

ME: Anyway, Mario, what a big win over the Broncos on Thursday night. National TV, against your coach’s former team, saving your slim playoff chances…how does it feel to come through with such an important victory?

MARIO: Vince who? Who the hell is Vince Young?

ME: Oh, well that’s an excellent point, Mario. Now, we all know youre story, we all know the feelings of animosity and even hatred some fans attributed to you after you were drafted with the first overall pick two years ago. Is that a source of motivation youre employing for this year?

MARIO: Overrated? Yall said I was overrated? Where is Reggie Bush today? On his couch holding his knee and being fanned by hundreds of Saints devotees?

ME: The entire team is playing excellent football in these last two games, overcoming the problems in their scheduling and winning two games in five days. Is this a testament to the leadership the veterans have on this team? Do the guys like Sage Rosenfels and Anthony Weaver help to keep the younger fellas such as Fred Bennett focused on the overall team goal?

MARIO: DO YOU LIKE APPLES?

ME:Uhhh…..excuse me?

MARIO: DO YOU LIKE APPLES?

ME: Why yes, yes I do, particularly the green ones.

MARIO: WELL, I GOT 3.5 SACKS! HOW DO YOU LIKE DEM APPLES?

ME: (silent as Mario flies away to Hawaii for his first Pro Bowl appearance)

ME: Ah, well, I suppose I have to thank Mario for allowing us this interview following the game, and I think I must make it a point to mention that IM SORRY, I DIDNT MEAN ANYTHING I SAID ABOUT YOU, YOUR FAMILY, OR YOUR UNBORN CHILDREN. ALSO I ADD MY APOLOGIES TO CHARLEY CASSERLY, WHO ,TURNS OUT, IS A DECENT GUY AFTER ALL.

To your obvious and violent dismay, there will be no blogging this week due to my exhausting lineup of final exams. In football terms, this would be as if the Texans played San Fransisco(Sociology), Tennessee(World History), Dallas(Politicial Science), and a tricky Buffalo(Geography) in three days while writing a pair of five-page essays about the how New England is the greatest team ever(Texas History).

Anyway, Ill be back on Thursday before the Texans play the Broncos on NFL Network, and I might even try to plan something a bit special upon my return.

Wish me luck, o faithful reader(s?) of my work….

Go Texans.

Hold on, Texans fans. Big news. This week, while frequenting the ESPN.com website, I stumbled across a mock NFL Draft for 2008. Todd McShay is an extremely insightful guy who combines the knowledge of the draftees with the NFL needs, schemes, and behind-the-scenes information on coaching staff issues, free agents, who is happy and unhappy, etc. So, with all of that being said, I cursed McShay’s name and his belief that the Texans would draft a cornerback in the first round IN 2008. Some Ohio State cat who name I wont know until I see Early Doucet torching him for an LSU touchdown in the NCAA Championship game. This is ruining my day. Not only do Texans fans have to suffer through a season of inept third-quarter play, injuries, and Vince Young Day celebrations, but our only reward is a slow, Big Ten cornerback who will sit on the bench for a year? No thank you, Todd McShay, you go back to that draft board and figure out a way for us to grab Darren McFadden and DONT COME OUT UNTIL YOU DO.

Preview time….

This is going to be another backup quarterback matchup, with Sage Rosenfels and Luke McCown likely starting for both teams. Greatttt……though NFL fans (might) have seen what two backups can do last night when Todd Collins(isnt this a drink of some sort?) faced off against Brian Griese on the NFL Network. Sage has played more this season, and so has the advantage here, but Bucs  head coach Jon Gruden is justttt insanely impulsive enough to pull Luke and throw in Bruce Gradkowski if McCown is following whatever haphazard gameplan Gruden has mashed together. Sage….throw the ball son!

Ahman Green, who the Texans overpaid by 12,000,000,000 dollars when they signed him this season, has finally taken his rightful place on injured reserve. While the Texans have been unfortunately struck by injuries this season, it never seemed as if Ahman was EVER healthy. Of course now Rick Smith and Gary Kubiak will have to address what fans and pundits were asking at the onset of the 2007 campaign–What were you thinking hitching the reins of youe running game to a broken down running back with surgically repaired knees and was on the downside of thirty? Any answer that starts with “we’re sorry” will suffice. On the other hand Ron Dayne had proven to be quite an effective option lately, but the depth here is sparse and the Bucs grab the advantage with youngin Earnest Graham.

Finally a Texans strength! Andre Johnson has returned to what will be as close to top form as we will see for the rest of the season, and Gary Kubiak has rewarded his patience to take the time to get healthy with a barrage of passes from whatever quarterback he’s using that week. However, in his excitement to see Andre in uniform, Gary has forgotten that Kevin Walter has been spectacular this season and Andre Davis is a prime target for deep passes. Walter has all but disappeared, and Andre Davis’ passes are going to Jacoby Jones for some inexplicable reason. Let’s try getting these guys some balls, Kubes. Maybe more than 30 yards worth of catches for Walters will diversify the offense enough to keep stray blitzes from knocking your BACKUP quarterback out of the game.

The Bucs young offensive line is led by Arron Sears and Devin Joseph. They are physical, tough, and cooperate to overcome their shortcomings. Sound familiar? It shouldnt, because that’s the exact opposite of what the Texans offensive unit has become. While Fred Weary was having arguably his best season as a Texan, Chester Pitts is going through the motions and commits more penalties than an NFL vet should. Ephraim Salaam needs to be gone at the end of this season. Kasey Studdard, who I do think will be serviceable for the last four games, replaces Weary. However, both groups will have their collective paws full with the opposition’s defensive line, and so this one comes out to a wash.

On the defensive side of the ball the Texans must take advantage of a young backup quarterback by not allowing him to get into a rhthym and disturbing his composure in the pocket. Mario Williams is having his best season as a Texan, and possibly even a better one than Reggie Bush. Fuck yall, New Orleans. This is what you get!!! Amobi Okoye is done, and Travis Johnson and Anthony Weaver have played better in recent weeks. Chris Hovan, that monster of a defensive tackle for the Bucs, must be accounted for at all times. However, he can be pushed around just enough to slip a quick running back though, which is the antithesis of the plodding Ron Dayne. They pick up the nod….again.

As far as linebackers go, the Bucs have what the Texans want. Our middle linebacker is better than Barrett Ruud, but the former Cornhusker is having a tremendous season and is the reason that Derrick Brooks is continually effective even at an older age. On the flip side Cato June is quietly living up to his contract after jumping ship from the Super Bowl-winning Colts, and all three guys have the combined abilities to drop into coverage, lead the charge on a run stop, and blitz the quarterback relentlessly. I hope they dont, but I see these gentlemen having a great day.

Fred Bennett has three interceptions in four games, but he;s also given up three touchdowns in four games. Von Hutchins is a terror on defense and flies around the ball almost quicker and more effectively than DeMeco Ryans. He is a keeper for next year. The duo of Will Demps and CC Brown are terrific run stoppers and more than decent tacklers, especially the former Giant Demps, but their coverage skills are lacking. The good news is that the Bucs only have one wideout worth covering, no tight ends, and a backup quarterback starting, so these guys’ deficiencies shouldnt be on too much of a display. They can stay with the Bucs. Ronde Barber, who is so much cooler than his twin for reasons every NFL fan knows(he’s won a ring, he doesnt throw teammates and coaches under the bus after hes in a NBC booth, he isnt unwatchable on the Today show, he isnt Tiki Barber), still demands respect from opposing teams. And that sonuvabitch Phillip Buchanon, that no-tackling, punt-fumbling, touchdown-allowing, draft pick-thieving, former Texan has somehow landed on a decent team and has reinvigorated his career. Fucking Buchanon….I must have said that every game when he was stealing money here.

Kris Brown is the shit.

Gary Kubiak has a whole mess of grits to deal with. He needs to divine how to end the deluge of turnovers the Texans have committed this season, and he needs to remember that its alright, and perfectly within the rules of football, to score a touchdown in the third quarter. The offense needs to be more consistent, the defense needs to stop suffering fourth-quarter letdowns when the score is close. The Texans have only scored more than thirty points twice this season, but have surrendered more than thirty points four times. Theyve only had a hundred yard rusher once this season, and Andre Johnson, after missing 6 weeks, still leads the team in touchdowns!!!! Such is not the stuff that dreams are made of, only the nightmares of another top ten pick in next year’s NFL Draft. I refuse to acknowledge the growing spectre of that possibility, and the Texans will win this week. 20-17.

Go Texans!

The Texans are better this year. Theyre better at pass and run blocking, theyre better at throwing the ball down the field, theyre better at pass rushing, and theyre better at playing with effort. However, this does not mean that the Texans are anywhere in the vicinity of being deemed an average team. They are not.

My father used to tell me two things that have always stayed with me throughout my watching and playing of sports. The first is that big players make big plays in big games. Yesterday was a big game. It was a chance to get back to .500 and defeat a nemesis that has the knack for winning close games and a quarterback that this city secretly adores more than their own. It was a chance to prove to the league–and I dont recall how many times I have said this previously–that they are a serious contending squad that must be respected. So where were the big players? Matt Schaub was injured and may not return for the rest of the season. Sage Rosenfels was putrid. Andre Johnson and Jacoby Jones dropped passes, Jones muffed a punt that had me hollering at Rick Smith to cut his sorry rookie self, and Kevin Walters has disappeared entirely. No big players there, and definitely no big plays. On defense the big players did have more success, as DeMeco Ryans came through with 14 tackles, including 11 unassisted, Mario Williams tore apart the Titans blocking scheme for 2.5 sacks, and Fred Bennett nabbed his third interception in four games. However, at the end of the game on a third-and-long play that, if properly defensed, would have given the Texans the ball back with four minutes, two timeouts and the two minute warning, and a more than decent chance to win the ball game, the defense choked away a pass downfield amidst four defenders that could not cover a single man. Richard Smith, for once this season, actually managed to call a decent defensive play, but the stars of the defense could not bring themselves to make a big play.

That brings me to the second axiom that Dad imparted me in my childhood:There are only a few specific plays that determine the outcome of the game. You dont know when they will happen or what will happen, so you always have to be giving the maximum amount of effort so that your properly prepared. Alright, those werent his exact words, as I dont think the 7 year old me understood what the fuck the word maximum meant, but I hope the gist is clear. Looking back, we can identify those plays. Jones’ muffed punt. The abortion on third down. Schaub going out. And so on and so forth. It doesnt only seem like the Texans come out on the short end on all of these key plays, it is reality. Thats why they lead the league in turnovers and points given up on turnovers. They have a clear ineptitude for sustaining drives without shooting themselves in the foot with a missile and exploding the hopes that they and their fans had for that game.

The taste in my mouth is getting more sour with every loss. First it was a rather tart orange, now the taste is ash mixed with blood, shit, and Arby’s. It has become commonplace, it has become expected. My father and I are resigned to the fact that SOMETHING bad will happen throughout a Texans game, and when it does, there is no question that the Texans will not recover. Their psyche is so fragile for some reason, their confidence is crystalline and can be shattered by a well-placed pass to a tight end. There was about 7-8 minutes left when Jacoby Jones fucked up that punt–I think–but I knew at that moment that the game was over. Even Dad, who is almost foolishly more optimistic than I am, acknowledged the inevitable when that happened.

This is no way to run a team, Gary. You cant have your players effort fluctuating throughout the game, and you definitely cannot have a low point at the most important points in a contest. A Texans game is a microcosm for their season. Start fast, then suffer through inexorable stretches of mediocrity that destroys your team’s confidence and fans hope with little buoys of success called Miami and Oakland. Without their two left guards the Texans are left with former University of Texas rookie Kasey Studdard. Matt Schaub may be done for the year, and even if he isnt he will not be at full health and ability. Ahman Green is no longer necessary, but the only running back that has an inkling of success is Ron Dayne. The coaching staff is in flux. Winning another game is going to be difficult, and its more likely the team goes 5-11 than 7-9 or even 8-8.

I am not a doomsayer, a Nostradamus of negativity or anything of the sort. I am simply realistic. The way the Texans have been playing, they cannot win.

Go Texans.

If you have not yet heard, Offensive Coordinator Mike Sherman has been hired to replace Dennis Franchione as head coach of Texas A&M. For those of you keeping score, the Aggies have made a shift from a slightly more than middle-aged, white-haired, bespectacled head of a program to someone who could be his stunt double. Mike Sherman and Dennis Franchione could be each other’s dopplegangers. Both have the reputation of being successful offensive minds, yet neither’s previous squads experienced a tremendous amount of improvement during their tenures. The Texans offense has been better this year to be sure, yet is still barely mediocre because they cannot run the ball consistently.

I honestly dont know what the Aggies are thinking. Yes, Sherman has some collegiate coaching pedigree as well as some previous experience at A&M. However, in a state that is dominated in recruiting by the University of Texas and being poached by Texas Tech, OU, OSU, and even Kansas and Mizzou–their respective quarterbacks are both Texans–the most serious issue that Sherman must contend with is convincing top-flight players to come to a school that hasnt won a Big 12 South title in years, does not go to superior bowl games, is looked down upon by their main rival, and has the stigma of being too engrossed with their traditions to field a decent football team.  I personally give Sherman four years, and if he doesnt bring the Ags to a Big 12 championship then he and Bill Byrne will be gone. Consequently, Byrne is facing some attacks from the Black Coaches Association for not interviewing a black candidate before hiring Sherman. Their arguments fall upon deaf ears, however, for A&M didnt interview ANYONE before hiring Sherman.

As far as the Texans go, it will be interesting to watch how the situation plays out. Everyone knows that recruiting season is heating up, and Mike Sherman will most assuredly desire to capitalize upon the suddenly indecisive high schoolers who may be reconsidering their committments to U of H(who just lost their head coach) or UT(who cant beat A&M). He will also have to make a concentrated effort not to lose any players or recruits who feels shafted or betrayed by the ‘resignation’ of Franchione. Perhaps Gary Kubiak, who has serious ties to A&M and even had his name tossed around in a bout of delirious wishful thinking, will allow Sherman to assume a portion of his A&M responsibilities and delegate his Texans’ jobs to other coaches on staff. Sherman has to put together an entire staff, get recruiting, and simply become the head coach of Texas A&M in reality rather than in only name. I do not know how this will all play out, but I believe the result will entail the Texans suffering on offense even more that they already do. Sherman cannot realistically be the head coach of a major college program and the offensive coordinator of an NFL team at the same time. There arent enough hours in the day. Enjoy two paychecks, Mike, and feels free to toss some long passes to Andre once and again.

Most of you arent as a fervent addict of football as I am, nor could you ever become so. Even less of you are Washington Redskins fans, and Im sure I could count on one hand the number of people I know who are aware of exaxtly who Sean Taylor was.

Taylor was a Redskin safety who was shot on Sunday night at his home. The bullet impacted his leg and severed the literally vital femoral artery, which led Taylor to the Intensive Care Unit. Apparently doctors were encouraged by some responsive tendencies which Taylor displayed late last night, but today Taylor died of his wounds.

Flip mentioned to me the fact that Taylor would not even have been at home if it werent for him being injured. As it was a Sunday, Taylor would have most likely been delivering his own violent brand of justice upon NFL running backs and wide receivers instead of being shot during what appears to be an attempted robbery.

Why do we care, Alex? This guy is no different from anyone else, and so why does he deserve any special attention, multiple hours and constant B-roll footage on ESPN, and his own note? Well, my friend, you are wrong. Sean Taylor was different. He is inherently seperate from the rest of us commoners in the fact that he was a special player in a special game. Thousands of people probably have bought his jersey. Millions have seen him play on television or in person, and countless others have either cherished or derided his actions on the football field. We see these people as more than mere mortals, for they have the ability to repeatedly throw their body into a mass of violence and come out pumping their fists in passionate triumph. Every NFL player we see on television is more than a simple person; when they put on the uniform they assume the identity that a fan assigns to them. I understand they are people and have their own lives, families, dreams, and problems, but none of that matters to either of us on Sunday. We want them to win or lose, and thats what they always do. They never are supposed to die. Thats what mere mortals do, not these giant supermen of the gridiron, dominating a game that people play from ages 4-44. Football is too simple of a game to have death mentioned with it. We own these men, and they us. We pay to see them, and they sacrifice their health, their time, and, in this case, their lives in order to fulfill our high expectations for them.

It was the same way with Korey Stringer or Darrent Williams. It recalled a flood of anguish that I felt when Darryl Kile died unexpectedly, just like it must have been for older fans when Roberto Clemente or Thurman Munson were taken. It is not supposed to happen! We have a partnership, an agreement between the fan and the player that we come together over the auspices of a game, a children’s game, that produces so much emotion and passion that it boggles the well-adjusted mine. This is why football is not only a game. It was Sean Taylor’s life, just as it is mine. We want to be bound only by a final score, a win or a loss, a clear cut result that can be overcome the very next week or the upcoming year. Football is a game of hope, not despair. Every fan and player thrives on the hope that things will get better. That is why I feel so shaken by Taylor’s death. There is no hope, no opportunity for recovery or eventual success after a string of failure. There is no next week, no next season, no tomorrow for Sean Taylor. Instead of the natural progression of football players, to be in the public eye and be loved or hated by thousands, if not millions, and then to simply fade into well-financed retirement, Sean Taylor will instead be buried as a testament to the idealism of football and sports. Taylor will die as a mortal man, like you and I, a victim of a spiteful, hate-filled, self-loathing world of envy and despair, and not as the iconic football star that he should have been.

Suddenly and unexpectedly, Sean Taylor was killed.

There are so many things that the Texans do not do well. These problems are what keeps them from becoming an average team, because, as they showed today, they are a bad one.

The Texans were 2-10 on third down conversions against the Browns. Im usually not one who finds evidence for a loss within statistics, but this particular one was the death knell for the team today. Gary Kubiak made it a point to call plays that did not guarantee at least the yardage required for a first down. On 3rd and 8 he would call a 6 yard slant. On 3 and 13 he chose a screen to Ron Dayne. What is the use of plays that merely have the potential to gain the first down yardage with extra effort beyond the norm? I would rather Kubiak call a play that, if successful, guarantees the necessary yardage than one which only supposes that the yardage can be gained.

Here’s another statistic, and I swear its my last one. 3 turnovers. You cannot win when you turn the ball over. You cannot win when you turn the ball over. Matt Schaub tossed a pair of interceptions, one that glanced off the hands of Kevin Walter and one that was woefully underthrown. Owen Daniels fumbled. The Texans mistakes rewarded the Browns with good field position on more than one occasion, and with a defense like the Texans, field position is a vital ally.

The Texans defense surrendered 27 points, nearly 400 total yards, and nearly 150 yards on defense. Despite those gaudy numbers, I still believe the crew played well today. The defense is a pliable one that bends and yields and stretches to the limit without allowing and avalanche of points. The Browns had the ball for 35 minutes today, which is simply too long for our defense to remain effective. Jamal Lewis is one of the ever-fewer running backs that seems to become stronger and better as the game stretches on, while the Texans defense does not. They played as good as they could have with a player such as Kellen Winslow Jr. on the field. CC Brown and the linebackers could not keep up, and the Football Gods rewarded them no karma for playing their hardest the entire game.

Matt Schaub played terribly today. He threw two touchdowns, sure, but his passes were routinely behind, high, or too long for his receivers to haul in. The interception he threw in the fourth quarter proved this point, as he was embarrassingly behind a streaking Andre Johnson. Its a fly route, Matt. Throw it as far as you can and allow Andre to do the rest. He was not accurate, nor was he composed or even confident for most of the game. He did not play the game that a winning franchise requires in order to succeed.

Gary Kubiak killed his team with awful calls on third down that I discussed earlier. There was a good gameplan in place for today, it seemed, and poor execution cannot be blamed on a coach. However, this week the Texans had an opportunity to win a ‘need to’ game. When they defeated the Raiders earlier this season, that was a ‘have to’ game. They had to have it or the season was lost. Their victory over the Dolphins was a ’should’ win. They should beat the Dolphins and they did. Today was an instance where the Texans needed to win this game in order to stay in playoff contention or at least competition in the AFC South. They needed this game to show the league that they must be respected, that they are more than a late season spoiler worthy of pity and Steve Tasker commentary. They didnt win! The didnt do it, and now they have only ‘have to’ games left. You only get so many chances in the NFL. There are only so many plays and games that determine the outcome of an entire season, and this was a contest that our Texans allowed to slip away.

Chase Daniel, my friends, is one spectacular quarterback. That dispy-doodle of an improvised domination on the second touchdown pass of the game he threw displayed a remarkable mobility for someone of his small stature. He seems as if he has only improved his speed and elusiveness since his days at Southlake Carroll, something that will serve him well come Draft Day 2008.

Anyway, onto the NFL.

The Houston Texans and Cleveland Browns both recognize that this contest is of the utmost importance  for their respective seasons. The Browns main rival in the AFC North,the Pittsburgh Steelers, have struggled lately with a loss to the putrid New York Jets and are suffering injury problems this week. A loss this week would not be capitalizing on an ideal situation for the Browns. On the homefront, the Texans would need a string of wins in order to reinforce their tenuous hold in the AFC playoff race. A victory this week would be a tremendous ignition towards a three game swing that consists of the Browns, Titans, and Broncos. Also, mainly for the fans and the organization–and mostly for me–a win over the Browns would avenge the 2004 loss that resulted in a 7-9 season and a subsequent 2-14 campaign that I blame entirely on that lone ballgame.

So, who will emerge dominant in this clash of former embarrassments?

At quarterback the Browns are led by upstart Derek Anderson, who, if it werent for the New England Patriots duo of Brady/Moss and the Colts’ Peyton Manning, would be in serious contention for an MVP award. His leadership and efficiency has made Browns fans forget about Tim Couch, Charlie Frye, and even Brady Quinn(dont worry, youre still beautiful). He has the edge over Matt Schaub, but not be much. The Texans must pressure him–like always–in order to disrupt his rapport with Braylon Edwards and Lt. Kellen Winslow Jr.

Football God, if I could go back in time and beg Rick Smith to sign Jamal Lewis instead of Ahman Green I would buy season tickets for as long as I could afford it. It isnt fair that I cant find a DeMeco Ryans jersey at Finish Line or Academy because of a plethora of overlooked Green rags. He has been a huge disappointment for the Texans. Lewis, on the other hand, has been periodically good. Some games he is dominant, some games he is average, and some games he is Ahman Green-like. He gets the nod over the Texans’ running crew, which has featured a debate over whether or not Joe Echemandu or Darius Walker should be the backup to Ron Dayne. Im going to go cry into my Domanick Davis(Williams?) jersey now….

Finally! Andre Johnson, Andre Davis, and Kevin Walter are far and away better than Braylon Edwards, Joe Jurr-uh-vish-is, and Travis Wilson(who?). Derek Anderson has reinvigorated Edwards’ career and made him the most recent successful Michigan receiver. Kellen Winslow Jr. is also a main option for Anderson, who actually catches touchdown passes, unlike Owen Daniels. Lets get him one, Matt. Joel Dreesen has two! The Texans are eeeeeeeeasily the superior corps here.

Offensive lines are……eh, fucking Kansas. What is their deal, anyway? They seemed shocked that an actual football team who could actually perform football plays successfully was lining up across from them for three quarters. Todd Reesing gave us a multitude of reasons of why OU, UT, A&M,TTU, and other Big 12 schools didnt recruit him. He’s good….but not that good.

The defensive line of the Browns is nothing to write home about. The Browns play out of a 3-4 base d that features former Texan Robaire Smith at defensive end.I must admit, I have no idea why Smith is on the Browns, as he bilked the Texans out of millions of dollars while only providing a football version of Kelvin Cato in return. I suppose he’s been serviceable, as have the remainder of the Browns’ defensive line, though they are not spectacular and should be vanquished by the Texans group. Mario and Amobi both have five sacks this year, and Travis Johnson has been outstanding this season, a real standout for this crew. Anthony Weaver is next in line for a breakthrough performance on defense, following Danny Clark, Marlon Greenwood, and Fred Bennett.

The Texans group of Ryans, Greenwood and Clark have been tremendous these past two games, and they should have a field day against a slow running back like Jamal Lewis. Clark and Greenwood will face a step up in tight ends this week in Kellen Winslow Jr., who will require constant attention in the pass defense. Ryans, I expect, will be given more free rein to blitz this week as he should not have his Reggie Bush’s-shadow responsibilities this week. Former Texans bust Antwan Peek landed on the Browns last season, and hopefully he attempts to blow as much hot, salty cock as he did when he wore the deep steel blue. Kamerion Wimbley, the flip side linebacker, is quickly becoming a pass rush force in the AFC North, and must be accounted for. He will be Eric Winston’s responsibility, and probably will get some attention from a running back or a tight end. Hopefully…maybe…..possibly?

The Texans secondary is better than the Browns secondary. How can that be? Well, if I could tell you, then certainly Romeo Crennel would have the ability to remedy the situation. As it happens, Fred Bennett and Von Hutchins are better football players than Daven Folly and Leigh Bodden. Matt Schaub should absolutely rip apart these waiver wire cornerbacks, and Andre Johnson should be foaming at the mouth right now. Tonight. At this moment. In his hotel room bed. I cannot wait. The problem here is that the success the Texans had against the Aints will be hard to duplicate. Keep that foam going, Dre…

Kris Brown is the shit. So is Cleveland returner Josh Cribbs, who, I hope Joe Marciano advises Matt Turk and Kris Brown to do, will have every kick directed away from him. Away! Anyway, Phil Dawson is pretty decent too, and so is the Texans’ Jacoby Jones. This will turn the ballgame towards one team or the other, mark my words. Mark them with pen!

Romeo Crennel and Gary Kubiak have both been outcoached this season. Crennel received a gift last week when the NFL rewrote the rule book in order to secure his team their sixth win. Kubiak has been able to play Oakland, Atlanta, and Miami this year, though is 1.5-1.5 in those games. These guys need this game to display to their fans that they are the coaches for these teams and organizations. A win here will give the Browns a 7-4 record, something that I dont believe has happened in my lifetime. The Texans could have a winning record with a triumph over the Browns. This needs to happen in order for owners and general managers and players and fans to BELIEVE that what they have never experienced is possible. Namely, for these two franchises, that is a playoff birth.

Texans lose 30-27.

Go Texans.

Never have I been so happy to be wrong. Normally I would verbally fight to the death over a point in order to be called correct, but in this case my joy at the result of the issue outweighs my annoyance that I am wrong.

On Sunday we all witnessed what the Houston Texans truly are. This game ushered in a flood of memories from weeks 1 and 2 where the Texans were playing to their highest potential. Matt Schaub was healthy and armed with a full compliment of equally healthy receivers today, and we saw the obvious results of his brand new armaments.

Ron Dayne averaged more than four yards a carry, and seemed to become stronger as the game went on, pressing and pushing and battering on a weak Saints defense for greater gains.

Andre Johnson, who still, after 7 weeks on the injured list, is an Adonis, returned to great fanfare and even greater success. He deserves to be mentioned among the best receivers in the league this year, even with his injury problems. I am already looking forward to a hopefully healthy 2008 season with he and Matt connecting even more frequently. Kevin Walter and Andre Davis were pushed to the background, but Owen Daniels burst back onto the scene with 9 catches for 74 yards and one broken nose. If the Texans are going to continue scoring in bunches, as they must in order to defeat their next two opponents, they are going to have to devise a way to involve every weapon their offense holds.

The offensive line did an outstanding job of protecting Matt Schaub and opening holes for Ron Dayne to truck through. The Saints were missing the presence of two of their defensive stalwarts, and the Texans did well to take advantage. With over 350 yards of total offense and a 4.1 yards per carry running average the O Line grades out well for this game.

Mario Williams! Where was this firestorm of pressure and whirlwind of effective pass rushing all year? The REAL first overall pick had 6 tackles, a forced fumble, a sack, and multiple quarterback hurries and pressures in Sunday’s game, giving fans the impression that perhaps Williams was performing with much more enthusiasm and vigor than in the past. Id love for him to repeat this performance at least once more over these final games to prove that this was not a Reggie Bush-fueled fluke. Amobi Okoye was pushed around this game, just as he was the game before. I hope that he isnt losing steam about halfway through his rookie year, as he is only 13 years old and doesnt have the experience against multiple 300-lb behemoths that veterans like Anthony Weaver and Jeff Zgonina do. Perhaps the Texans coaches need to rotate him in and out more in order to keep him as fresh as he was at the beginning of the year. Travis Johnson once again played better than he did the week before.

The linebackers also receive and ‘ooh-ahh’ of approval from me. DeMeco Ryans, after a few weeks of mediocrity–if you can call 7-8 tackles a game mediocre–exploded with ten tackles and did a tremendous job of keeping Reggie Bush in check. Danny Clark and Marlon Greenwood–Im sorry for all the Three Stooges jokes. Im sorry for all the insults and caustic comments and expletive-filled tirades against you and your families. Yall played outfuckingstanding on Sunday, similar to the Oakland game as a matter of fact, and have now begun to become actual playmakers instead of simply a tackling cleaning crew for this defense. Keep it up!!!

The secondary we all thought was going to be the Achilles Heel of this team performed better than our expectations. Not beyond them, there will be no hyperbolic exaggerations of their accomplishments here, but merely better than them. Rookie Fred Bennett gave up an easy touchdown pass but then deflected a pass and did his best tackling impression of Dunta Robinson over the remainder of the game; he became an actual respectable football player and took care of his business against opponents he was more talented then. Von Hutchins added another barrage of tackles AND added some solid coverage, and I enjoy watching Will Demps fly around the field more and more each week. He finally appears to have become comfortable in the defensive scheme. When a rebuilt secondary missing its two starting cornerbacks holds and powderkeg of an offense like the Saints’ to only 10 points in a game there is definitely something right with the coaching and preparation. Now if we had a bye week in between every game.

Kris Brown is the shit.

Gary Kubiak took a week off to recharge his batteries and returned to the NFL victoriously. His Texans–his actual Texans–are now 5-5 and looking up at three division rivals as healthy as they have been since week one. This is important, yes, but what is even more encouraging and necessary is the overabundance of enthusiasm this team has now. Theyre excited again! Kubiak is excited again! I havent seen a smile that big since the rout against Carolina from Gary this season, and I welcome its return! Id love for it to become a weekly tradition!

…and probably leaving with a win. I trust the Texans offense will be reinvigorated and reenergized with the return of Andre Johnson. The Saints’ defensive calls will hopefully sound something like this.

Whoopwhoopwhoopwhoop! Nyuck nyuck nycuk! Hey, dummy, you was supposed to cover him! Whys yous!!!

Yeah, I hope.

Anyway, the Texans passing game will be fine. I even have desires of it being-dare I say it?-explosive. I dont see why it shouldnt be, I mean, we have all seen Andre Davis and Kevin Walter have enough success going down the field lately that there is not a single reason that Andre Johnson cannot follow suit! The running game will be….what it is. I dont dream of having any insight into the health of Ahman Green, nor of how he will perform on Sundays. I just revel in his successes and cringe at his 3.5 ypc average. Id love it if Matt Schaub had a 300-yard passing game without any interceptions, as that would allow the Texans to hold onto the ball for enough time to keep the Saints offense from getting into a scoring tradition. Kubiak needs to keep the Saints defensive crew off-balance by mixing in a bit of everything in the playbook. I wouldnt even mind seeing that always-bad fullback pass to the flats that never seems to result in anything but a cacophony of swear words from my father and I. Just keep a hold of that ball, kiddles.

Fucking injuries. Theyve ravaged this team all season. I wont use them as an excuse for the consisten mediocrity this unit has displayed. However, there must be some allowances made for the defense’s shortcomings when theyre on their fourth safety of the year, their third string cornerback, and another cornerback who has been playing SAFETY ALL YEAR!!!! That being said, there is a high probability that Drew Brees will take advantage of the painfully obvious inexperience of Von Hutchins, Fred Bennett, and Will Demps, the latter being a run-stopper extraordinaire. How will the Texans combat the Saints passing attack? Alas, I am only 20 years old, and even though I have a few warehouses worth of football knowledge, I have no answers when it comes to the above question. What I suspect is that the Texans will attempt to force Drew Brees into getting rid of the ball early by pressuring him and closing down passing lanes. Travis Johnson has been having the second-best year of any Texans lineman, and is especially adept at dislodging passes from the air and casting them harmlessly to the ground. Mario Williams is about 8 feet tall with his arms up, he should join in. It is unfortunately apparent to me, and, if you are as knowledgeable as I am about football, many other pundits as well as Texans fans and you, that the Texans defense will be overmatched on Sunday. New Orleans has too much speed for the Texans to keep up with, from Marques Colston to Lance Moore to Devery Henderson to, of course, Reggie Bush. I dont think our men can keep up, though I will be cheering the loudest for them to do actually do it.

Hope, yall.

Saints 34, Texans 24.

Go Texans.